First day back in the gym and it was definitely harder than I remembered. Being on the eighth day of my fast contributed heavily to the difficulty, stress, and anxiety involved in getting my feet wet. Besides that, it has been over two and a half years since I last stepped in the gym to maintain my athleticism. Since then, I have given birth to my now emerging toddler. Being athletic my entire life, I have enjoyed the luxury of stepping into any gym the first time & after a few moments of getting the lay of the land, feeling at home and getting to it. Today was not one of those days…
I had to fight through the anxiety of teaching myself over again how the machines work without looking like a complete novice. I had to regain knowledge and confidence in how my body works, what my limits are, and what it needs from me. The length of time between my workouts paired with fasting had me disconnected and more connected at the same time. It was like that first 5 minutes of an encounter with someone you once called your bestie. The comfort set in only after some nervous gestures and elongated pauses.
Too add to the complexity of this evening’s escapade, I have become so distant from my body that recently created & sustained life. Weight bearing activities feel much more extreme because although I have circled back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my body is just… different. How I walk, how I am proportioned, and even how my mind works are aspects that never reverted. Don’t get me wrong, this is definitely a beautiful thing and a blessing! I only say this to paint a picture of all the ways the fit and confident athletic woman that once was me, is a simple memory tucked in the back of my mind where only I can still see.
On the next turn of the page, I am humbled and thankful that although much later than I anticipated, I DID IT! I STARTED! I GOT UP and I MOVED! I knew just how important it was to give my body a legitimate rest after having a child (it takes at least nine months to create a child we should give our bodies at least that long to HEAL). This “snap back” fad is so detrimental, women are engaging in unhealthy actions too early for the sake of “getting back” without understanding your body does not ever go back. It has transformed, it has done what it was designed to do – so you (including your body) will not be the same.
[“Snap back rant” deleted]
But, I say all of this to say – baby is peeking around the corner of a year and a half, I have had the time I needed and I am past due to realign myself with my more active self. Sure I pick her up thousands of times a day, run after her, lunge with her, carry her – but active with baby is not the same as accelerating your heartbeat and tearing tissue to rebuild it stronger than before. With the fast ending on Sunday and my 99-day challenge beginning on Monday, I think I am stepping into this next phase more confidently & definitely, much more sore!
>Respectfully Submitted<< ~Mai